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transition[ tran-zish-uhn, -sish- ]
noun
1. movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change: the transition from adolescence to adulthood.
2. Music.
a. a passing from one key to another; modulation.
b. a brief modulation; a modulation used in passing.
c. a sudden, unprepared modulation.
3. a passage from one scene to another by sound effects, music, etc., as in a television program, theatrical production, or the like.

(Source: dictionary.com)

Evil Deeds

Letting other people dictate my actions has truly gotten out of hand! These people feed off of my energy, my spirt , my drive to remain a positive person. I’m far from innocent and I often make mistakes. What I don’t need is people that act like I’m important to them.

What’s my favorite color?
What’s my middle name? How old am I? When is my birthday? Do I have tattoos? If so, how many and where?

These people are ugly on the inside and could care less about my well being. They rather see me suffer along with becoming my necessity Therefore making them grow and feel better about themselves while I just dwindle into darkness

It’s the little things that matter…..

TOES

I have the ugliest toes! I mean they aren’t the worst but, toes aren’t the most attractive part of the body. I realize exactly why I take soooo long to redo them. They are hidious!
All I do is scrub, scrub, scrub to get the Polish off and I’m like
GEEZ, this is taking forever!

I’m not the skinniest to bend over while laying down in the most comfortably uncomfortable position because I’m in my period!
It hurts! The cramps! Oh man!
What color am I wearing again?

I get so distracted! Smh

Another day or two goes by and someone wants to come over. Oh shytt, they are gonna see your toes! He’s gonna make fun of them! My unpolished toes along with my ashy feet and ankles!
Where are my socks or the house shoes that cover those monsters?!?

Gotta stay away from my best friend because during our ENTIRE friendship she told me how hidious my toes are! I hate her but, she’s right. She’s my only true and honest friend

I pick the prettiest colors so it hides those mini creatures. Maybe, that’s why why everyone lies to me.
Oh your toes are so cute. I love that color, who did them?

Uh thanks. I did them. I got the color from CVS/walgreens/that random store on the corner. (Inserts side eye)

Even after all of that, it still takes forever to do them. Oh, and don’t let me mess up especially after I did my fingernails!
FIX THEM COUSIN FIX THEM!
They need to be tamed! They are out of control! Where are all the tools that scrape, clean, pinch, dust and buff these things to make them look decent?!? PLEASE!!!

BUT,
I don’t wanna do them!

My aunt screams:
THAT WHAT A PEDICURE IS FOR!

OH YEAH! that’s why! They fix ugly toes and feet.

I need to go more often

Things she once said

She said she watches me everyday as I grow into a wonderful young lady.  keep and open mind and make every decision mine.

She said you’re just like me but more influential. You can stand on my own 2 feet.

She said every mistake I’ve made has made me better and every wrong doing I’ve encountered has made me stronger

She said put your heart into everything you do. Think about what you wnat and get it liek it’s the last item on the shelf

SHe said don’ be scared. Face everything head on with your head held high and take everything in stride.

She said if no one else believes in you….I DO. I’ll stand beside you

She said don’t hold back your tears as they are the release of every pain and fear.

She said its ok to let go, be free, be me and be selfish for once. Don’t be so defensive. let someone in.

These are the things she has said to me. I’m not sure how to go about it or what to think about it. Where do I start??

How does she know everything that is going on when she’s been gone for so long? So far away but seems so close. So close that I can feel your presence

Why now? Whats wrong? Whats right? Seems like you arrive in time for every fight

Trapped Within (unfinished)

I can pretend that nothing is wrong and act like I don’t care what people think but I would lying to everyone including myself. At times I feel trapped within with the fear of truly letting go and letting people in. I’m surrounded and appreciated by many people but what you fail to realizeis that every night I sit wanting, wishing, thinking that someone could come save me. A shoulder to lean on and a chest to bury my face in and let all the tears run… Looks can be very deceiving and I’m guilty of deception…..I don’t want to show the struggle but I’m scared and can hardly breathe

Scared to tell those how I truly feel inside. Loud, outspoken, strong and stable is what i seem. I am those things but I’m also sad, confused, guarded and frightened! At times I feel like I’m the only person i can tell my secrets too. Wishing i could open up and tell you but your perception and expectations of me puts those wants aside. Ive never felt so unaccomplished and accomplished at the same time!

Have you ever felt like all you’re doing is working, working, working, but not hard enough to cover up or fulfill what you really want? Do you keep yourself occupied most of the time to ease the mind?

I do…..all the time

I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or going at the right pace. I’m truly lost within. My minds consumes me and to trust one person with my thoughts seems impossible. All the people that surround me: facebook friends, twitter friends, co workers, family, random people I’ve come across and those that have known me for years say ‘hey you can tell me anything, I CARE’

Do you? I don’t believe you.

I often wonder what I’m actually capable of…

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